Not a 'playa', but still in the game

The following article was published today in the Bermuda Sun

Is Bermuda's dating scene truly so abysmal for young males, as was so eloquently outlined in the Sun's recent series of articles? The articles did a good job outlining the problem, yet there were few explanations as to the cause, nor any true resolutions for males aspiring to meet nice women, rather then just aspiring to be playas.

While it may be true that the ratio of men outnumbers women at about 3 to 1, it isn't the limiting factor as to why most men are unable to meet women on the rock. In order to understand Bermuda's "scene", one has to really view it from an alternative perspective.

Meeting decent women in Bermuda is a difficult task for your average male who isn't a playa. The reality of those skewed male to female ratios, is that the odds of success for your average guy are so low, it drives him to desperation. Unfortunately, women aren't attracted to desperation, instead, they like confidence, they want what they can't have, what they can't easily control and ultimately, they want a challenge.

The key to success comes when you distinguish between the approach men and women often take when they meet a potential mate. If you can manage to get a woman's interest and attention, they often are thinking, “you're interesting, I'd like to get to know you better and see where things go”. Many men, however, have a tendency to act like every girl is a potential wife, girlfriend or one-night stand. We get so interested in the girl, long before we actually know anything about them, that they get nervous. This nervousness creates a lot of tension and pressure, which ultimately makes the woman feel uncomfortable. Why? Because the man is acting uncomfortable.

Many women want someone who is confident enough in themselves that they can be relaxed and just have a good time. They want someone who doesn't have an agenda, takes time to get to know them and doesn't make them feel pressured. In order to really succeed with women, and believe me, it isn't easy, you can't be putting women up on a pedestal. If you do, you ultimately reduce yourself to doing whatever it takes to keep the women happy. This means means she can easily control you into doing whatever she wants. If a woman has too much control over you, she very quickly becomes bored. Women want what they can't easily control, they want a confident man who is in control and is a challenge, not someone who is boring.

This lack of control is exactly what attracts women to men who are jerks rather then nice guys. Ultimately, a woman would rather a nice guy who is confident, relaxed, and is able to say no, but all too often these traits don't go hand in hand. They don't want a man who is too controlling, but neither do they want a man who is always bending to their will and giving them everything they want. All too often, however, these traits are stereotypical of jerks rather then nice guys, which is why jerks win and is the answer to that question “why is she with him??”.

Ultimately, going out to the night clubs to engulf yourself in a sea of males is hardly the ticket to meeting women. Instead, they can be found when you step out of the realm of just getting drunk and actually try out some fun, group based, activities that provide a relaxed and comfortable atmosphere. Sports are a great example, from tennis to rugby to volleyball, Bermuda has an abundance of sports year round that provide a relaxed atmosphere perfect for casually meeting girls. Girls are always telling me they want guys to go to salsa dancing lessons and in those kind of occasions, girls outnumber guys. Even if its something like church, volunteering or the like, activities aren't just limited to just sports or dancing. Really, anything you can think of that can be relaxed, fun, and doesn't involve copious amounts of alcohol are those that you're likely to find more approachable women.

The dating scene in Bermuda isn't nearly as abysmal as people make it out to be, you just have to be willing to think outside the box and act on something more then a drunken impulse, it's the only way you're bound to survive Bermy's dating scene, playa, or otherwise.

Comments

[Denis Pitcher]

I thought I'd add that I wrote this article after reading the last couple "For men" articles in the Bermuda Sun:

http://www.bermudasun.bm/main.asp?SectionID=43&SubSectionID=228&ArticleID=30798

http://www.bermudasun.bm/main.asp?SectionID=43&SubSectionID=228&ArticleID=30799

I'm not even going to pretend like I'm an expert at understanding women. Frankly, I don't know any man who is.

This is simply an alternate perspective on meeting women in Bermuda based on what I've learned over the years for those who don't have '5 women on the go at once'.

What do you think about Bermuda's dating scene? What have been you're experiences?

Are you a 'playa' yourself, or do you find Bermuda difficult?

What advice do you have to offer?

[Ash]

Hi. Just thought I would drop a comment on the article I complained to you about. I just finished reading your other articles, and I have to say I am really impressed with your political reviews. Your relationship articles are funny too, I think most people are just wondering aimlessly aswell until they find that person to move to "the next level with". (could you have made it sound more scary?) Anyhow, I think you're a good writer, hope I didn't scare you too much at the halloween bash ;) ha ha